My Life Without My Sunglasses
by squirrelpigs12
Summary: Horatio goes through a mid-life crisis when he loses his sunglasses.
1. The Story of my Life

My Life Without My Sunglasses

**Chapter 1: The Story of my Life**

People say that I have no weakness. I have to tell you that what they say is not exactly true. I do have some weaknesses. What I am about to tell you is not to be read by any of my enimies.

I MEAN IT RYAN, IF I FIND OUT THIS GETS LINKED TO THE MEDIA YOU WON'T ONLY BE FIRED, BUT I WILL PERSONALLY RUN YOU OVER WITH MY CAR MYSELF. I CAN ALSO MAKE SURE THAT THE ACCIDENT IS IN NO WAY CONNECTED TO ME AT ALL. SO WATCH YOURSELF.

Now baack to what I was saying. I do have a weakness. I am sworn to my job in every way possible. I am to protect the innocent and track down the killers of the people who weren't so lucky. I am to protect the ones that I love and care about.

ERIC FOR THE LAST TOME I AM SORRY THAT YOUR SISTER WAS KILLED. IT WASN'T MY FAULT.

But this story is not about the people that I love and care about. This is a story about an object that I keep with me at all times. No I'm not talking about my gun. I'm talkin gabout my sunglasses. My precious, presious sunglasses. I remember the first day I got those sunglasses. It was a cold, snowy day in new York City and I had just turned 10 years old. I was walkin gdown the street and I saw a strange looking man selling things on the side of the road. Why he was selling things on the side of the road I never thought about until now, but it would certainly explain why he took off on the cops and why the cops chased after him shooting their guns at him. But enough about him for right now.

Okay, enough about the strange, creepy guy. Anyway, he was selling things on the side of the road in some sort of cardboard box. I was looking through the box and don't get me wrong there were some really cool things inside the box. Things like some wallets, fake ID's gold rings, a list filled with organs from the black market, but there was something else in the box that I really, really liked. It was a pair of really cool sunglasses. I remember asking the man how much they cost.

"How much you got?" he said.

I looked through my wallet and pulled out $10. He took the mony and gave me the sunglasses. Ever since that day they had never left my side. Until just recently.


	2. The Lost Sunglasses

**Chapter 2: The Lost Sunglasses**

We were on a case as usual and an airplane had flown into a swamp. Not like we haven't done anything like this before. Can't we ever do anything different? Come on this will be a piece of cake.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic again. I seem to be doing that a lot latly.

Anyway, we were searching for survivors in the swamp and I had told Eric to lead the diving team and Calleigh and Ryan to collect any evidence that was left behind. Now that I think about it maybe I shouldn't have paired those two together. It should have been more obvious to me when Calleigh said that she would rather work with Eric than Ryan. I told her that she should just shut her big, fat mouth and get to work. On a case like this there is o time to complain every second that goes by evidence is lost.

I hope Calleigh doesn't read this, but just in case she does, SORRY, CALLEIGH. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD YOU TO SHUT YOUR BIG, FAT MOUTH.

I have learned quite a bit by working with my CSI's, but if there is one thing I should have learned but didn't it would have to be DON'T GET ON CALLEIGH'S BAD SIDE.

For anyone who doesn't believe me, go try it for yourself.

Once again, Calleigh if you are reading this I'M SORRY!!!

Anyway, back to the story.

Calleigh wasn't to happy that I had partnered her up with Ryan. At the time I thought they would be the best people to collect the evidence from the plane wreck. Apparently, Calleigh wasn't happy with this, because the moment I told her to get over it she smacked me across the face and my sunglasses went flying off of my face and into the swampy water.

I quickly forgot about Calleigh and ran straight for the area of the swamp in which my glasses had landed. I then started to call for Eric.

"Eric" I screamed.

Eric quickly came over to me. "What's up H?"

"Eric, I need you to help me find something".

"Sure H, what is it?"

"My sunglasses".

"Your what?"

"My sunglasses you moron. Your girlfriend over there went and knocked them off of my face".

Eric looked at me with the strangest face I had ever seen him give me.

"First of all" he said "Calleigh is not my girlfriend. YET. And second of all WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MORON?"

"You don't want to help me fine. Then your fired".

"Your can't fire me just because I would rather do my job then help you find your sunglasses. Why don't you tell Calleigh to get her butt in here and help you find your stupid galsses if she's the one who started all of this".

Before I go any further I have some more apologies to make. ERIC I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU A MORON AND ALMOST FIRED YOU. I WILL EVEN APOLOGIZE TO YOU IF CALLEIGH IS READING THIS FOR I MAY HAVE JUST CAUSED SOME PROBLEMS WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP THAT NEVER HAPPENED. YET!

Begore I got back to the story I must apologize to my readers who I must have really comfused with all of my apologizing.

Okay, back to the story for real now.

Eric had a good idea to get Calleigh in here to help me search for my sunglasses. So I called for her.

"Calleigh!"

"Yes, Horatio".

"Help me look for my sunglasses".

"Why?"

"Because this is all your fault. Also if you don't want to work with Ryan you're going to work for me".

"Fine" she said.

As soon as Calleigh got into the water we heard something go CRACK. We both looked down and Calleigh reached over to pick up a pair of broken sunglasses. I grabbed them out of her hands and left the crime scene.

What am I goint to do now? Without my sunglasses I'm nothing.


	3. A New Identity

**Chapter 3: A New Identity**

When I left the crime scene I was going to go back to the crime lab, but I was to depresses and I didn't want anyone to see me vulnerable so instead I went home. I tried to fix my glasses with some tape, but the lenses were cracked and the tape wouldn't hold. I had no choice but to throw my sunglasses away.

It wouldn't be to bad if they were any ordinary sunglasses, but they weren't any ordinary sunglasses, they were my sunglasses. They were part of my identity. They were what people knew me as. Now that I don't have my sunglasses what will be my identity now.

I decided that I would make some changes to my wordrobe. From now on I will no longer be the uptight and tense Horatio Caine, instead I will be the hang loose and take it as they come Horatio Caine. I fact I don't even want them to call me Horatio Caine anymore. I don't want them to call me H either instead I want them to call me Sly the CSI Guy. It's perfent.

The next day I walked into work and instead of some stupid suit I wore baggy blue jeans, a cool (or at least cool to me) skull T-shirt, and sneakers. Wveryone stood outside to greet me and appreciate my new sense of style.

Or, so I thought.

Eric had just walked into my office to talk to me about the case.

"H, are you okay?"

"I'm fine Eric. Just fine. I never felt better in my entire life. By the way don't call me H anymore. From mow on call me Sly, Sly the CSI Guy".

"You look more like you fell into a skateboarder's laundry basket".

"That's what you think. You just wouldn't know style if you saw it, would you Ed?"

"Who's Ed?"

"It's your initials. Come on Ed are you that stupid?"

"Do everyone a favor and get your head examined" he said as he left the room.

Am I really going to far with this? I sure don't think so. I wonder what everyone else is goint to think. I better go ask them.


	4. Humilliated

**Chapter 4: Humilliated**

I went to go see if Calleigh and Natalia liked my new look. I found them in the Break Room.

"Hey dudettes, what's happening?"

They just stared at me until Calleigh spoke up "Are you okay, Horatio?"

"I'm just fine I never felt metter in my entire life, but please don't call me Horatio anymore from now on my name is Sly, Sly the CSI Guy".

"You look more like you fell into a skateboarder's laundry basket" Natalia said while laughing hysterically.

Natalia wan't the only one laughing Calleigh was laughing too, as well as Alexx who had just entered the room.

While they were all laughing Ryan walked into the room. "What's everybody laughing about?" he asked.

"Never mind them" I said. Ryan you'll tell me the truth. What do you think of my mew look?"

"You look more like you fell into a skateboarder's laundry basket" he said.

Still laughing hysterically Calleigh screamed "That's just what Natalia said".

I was feeling sad and huilliated mow and to make things worse Eric walked into the room.

"Hey guy's I see you've met Sly the CSI Guy".

"Oh shut up Eric" I said as I walked ouit of the room.

What, no Ed?" he said as I walked out of the room.

I went right home after that trying to figure out what I did wrong. Maybe changing my look was the wrong thing, but everyone knew me for my sunglasses. I figured the only thing to do now was to leave my job as a CSI and go move somewhere where no one knew me and where my enimies can't find me. I guess if I can't be a CSI anymore I will go and take back my old job that I had in high school. I was going to go back to being a garbage man.


	5. The Birthday Party

**Chapter 5: The Birthday Party**

I finally decided that I would stop trying to find a new indentity. It was just making my life more complicating and for a man of 48 it isn't ever going to work. Besides it's my birthday tomorrow and I will be 50 I mean 49 years old.

Man, I never thought this would happen. Not only have I lost my sunglasses, but I have finally lost my mind. I guess there is nothing left to do but to quit my job as a Crime Scene Investigator and become aw garbage man. There is no other place for a man like me.

The day of my birthday I walked into the crime lab to announce to everyone that I was leaving, but I guess they had other plans for me. I walked into my office and everyone yelled "SURPRISE!" They had thrown me a surprise birthday party.

"I'm sorry guys, but I have some bad news".

Calleigh came over to me and said "Horatio, what are you talking about? Are you going somewhere that you forgot to tell us about?"

"No Calleigh, I'm not going anywhere. I mean I am. I mean what I meant to say is that I am leaving the CSI's. Calleigh, after what you just said I can't believe I'm saying this, but you now have my job".

"Okay" Calleigh said with a smile. "I'll take your job, but on one condition. You have to stay for the party".

"Whatever you say boss".

Calleigh then handed me a present. It was a small box that was wrapped in red paper with a green bow on it.

"Calleigh".

"Yes, Horatio".

"You know it's not Christmas, don't you?"

"Of course I know it's not Christmas. It's your virthday" she said very happily. "Now stop complaining and open your present".

"Fine".

I opened the box that she had given me and I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a new pair of sunglasses.

"Thank you, Calleigh. I don't know what to say".

"Open mine next" Natalia said.

I opened her present next, then Ryan's, then Valera's, then Alexx's and they all got me the same thing. Each and every one of them got me a new pair of sunglasses. Then I realized something. Someonen was missing.

"Calleigh".

"Yes, Horatio".

"Where's Eric?"

"I don't know. I'll tect him".

She texted "_Where r u Delko?"_

He tected back "_Walking through door. B right up."_

"He'll be right up" Calleigh said with a smile.

When Eric got up to the office where we all were he was out of breath and soaking wet with sweat.

"Sorry I'm late guys My car wouldn't start this morning".

I asked him "Then how did you get here then? Did you take a cab?"

"No!" he said. " I didn't want to call a cab so I decided to jog to work".

"Eric you live five miles away from here" I said.

"I know that now. It seemed like it was just fifteen minutes away if you traveled by car".

"How long did if take you to get here" I asked.

"About two hours".

Calleigh then screamed "That's my man. Eric guess what, I'm your new boss".

"Why?" he said.

"Horatio's leaving the crime lab" she said.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because Eric, I'm going to fulfill me lifelong dream of becoming a garbage man".

"Please tell me that this isn't another one of your new identities?" he asked.

"No Eric, I have just come to realize that there is just no place for me here and it's time to move on".

"Horatio you know that you've been acting completely ridiculous ever since you lost your sunglasses" he said.

"It has nothing to so with that Eric. I'm a man without a purpose and there is nothing anyone can do to change it".

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes" I said.

"Okay. If you want to leave then leave, but first take a look around you. You are surrounded in your office…"

"In my office" Calleigh screamed.

"Calleigh shut up I'm trying to make a point here" he said. "Anyway H, you are surrounded by a lot of people who really care about you. We don't care that you lost your sunglasses. In fact we think you look better without them".

"Eric, you're absolutely right. I don't need my sunglasses in order to have great friends. In fact I think I will stay".

"Does this mean that you're the boss again?" Calleigh said sadly.

"I'm sorry Calleigh, but I'm afraid you've been demoted" I said.

"Darn it!" she screamed.

"I see that you have already opened everyone's presents" Eric said. "How about opening mine now" Eric said.

"Alright, give me the present".

As I opened up the present I couldn't believe what I saw. In the box was a pair of sunglasses, but not just any sunglasses, my sunglasses. I could tell that they were mine because they had my initials engraved on the side of them.

"Eric, where did you get these?"

"I found them at the bottom of the swamp. It turns out one of the passengers in the plane crash lost his sunglasses too. Even more coincidently he has the same pair as you".

"Eric, this is the best birthday present anyone could have ever given me. Thank you".

"You're welcome H. Now let's eat some cake!"


	6. The Aftermath

**Chapter 6: The Aftermath**

Yes, I know a story about me losing my sunglasses was a complete waste of your time. However, you have to admit that Eric made a good point. I am surrounded by people who care about me. I can't believe I forgot that.

I just have to make some more apologies before I go. CALLEIGH, I'M SORRY THAT I DEMOTED YOU AS SOON AS YOU GOT PROMOTED, BUT LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE YOU STILL HAVE A BETTER JOB THAN EVERYONE HERE IN THE CRIME LAB (BESIDES ME).

Eric since you gave me some great advice let me give you some. I told you before not to get on Calleigh's bad side. Now look where it got you. A one way ticket to the emergency room, but don't worry Eric that leg will be healed up in no time. I'm sure you don't remember because you have a concussion, but because you were alone with Calleigh and no one actually saw anything, she is getting off with a clean record and she is looking forward to seeing you when you get out of the hospital.

Also, Ryan may have a fun time reading this as well. I called the hospital and he is your new roommate. It seems that after we had my surprise birthday party he was walking down the stairs and tripped on his shoelaces. He fell all the way down four flights of stairs. Ryan my advice to you is lean to tie your shoes.

As for the conclusion to my story I sure did learn a valuable lesson. I shouldn't let a pair of sunglasses ruin my life. But I do have a question for you. Is it kind of obsessive to write a story about your sunglasses?

If it is OH WELL.

(puts on sunglasses)

The boys are back in town.

(walks away)


End file.
